Vertical And Wasting Oxygen

Demotivational Posters Round 47

2012-01-07T23:39:00.002-06:00

Special thanks this round go out to my Dad, my friend Matt, and Thaddeus Chuckles for particular inspirations for this round of posters. Enjoy, and as always, comment!

Demotivational Posters Round 46

2011-11-06T16:12:00.001-06:00

As always, please feel encouraged to leave comments, let me know you're there.

Demotivational Posters Round 45

2011-10-27T22:48:00.000-05:00

Demotivational Posters Round 44

2011-08-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate my friends Andrew and Laura, whose wedding in Chicago I was privileged to attend and who just had their second reception up in Canuckistan. Laura made me promise to give them a "shout-out" here, and so I dedicate this round of demotivators to the newlyweds. Huzzah!

Victorious

2011-08-08T23:44:00.000-05:00

I wrote this poem for my wife on the occasion of the death of her grandfather.

Victorious

We are the sons victorious!

Though riven be once callow shields

that canopy stretched over us

against what barbs the Dragon fields

is proof, and rest and shade beside;

the wing of Him who stemm'd the tide!

We are the sons victorious!

Low-born, the King has fixed His crest

upon our brows, has branded us,

bequeathed our title, that confessed,

and for His sake, as He has willed

His quiver to be greatly filled!

We are the sons victorious

who gain the gates of fire unquenched

'neath crimson banner glorious,

with polished spikes of promise clenched

in nail-scarred hands, identified

as one with One who won and died!

We are the sons victorious!

On will depraved and thew debased

His hammer rings, uproarious,

and, tempered by that thund'ring grace,

nor silent ere the task complete,

are heirs from bastards made and meet!

We are the sons victorious!

Our hymn resplendent has been raised

wheree'er the call has taken us

to steal from stone-tongue chords of praise.

From peak to vale, to wood from sea,

we only tread from Thee to Thee!

We are the sons victorious,

an host of mouldy corpses, stark,

but one great Breath infuses us

to stir the clay and fan the spark

ere death in us drinks Death's own cup,

and Resurrection bears us up!

Christ is the King Victorious!

The Living God has purchased heirs

through shame and suff'ring dolorous;

Has wrought Him sons, that they might share,

and live, and wield, and taste, and see

His triumph, yea, His victory.

Demotivational Posters Round 43

2011-02-07T10:10:00.004-06:00

I've gone the last couple of posts without saying anything. This is fine. I think it's okay to let my posters speak for themselves, in general. And, yet, I think sometimes it's good to hear a human voice behind the sterile cynicism of these demotivators, so I'm going to blather on here for a minute about inconsequential things.
First, be fairly warned: One or another post in this set will offend you or someone you know. As that was one of my stated purposes for the existence of this blog, I'm not apologizing for it. If anything, this means that I win! But you should be forewarned nonetheless. I hope it makes you think about what offends you and why. Few of these posters are as shallow as they first appear.
Secondly, I need to reiterate some points about the creation of these posters. Every one I post, unless specifically noted as a guest posting, is my own creative work. The artwork or photographs are not my work - I steal them wherever I can find them. The essence of what is said is rarely philosophically unique or novel. But these are my creations. The specific wording and pairing with an image is my handiwork alone. I do not aggregate posters that I find elsewhere on the internet, and if you see a poster from this blog elsewhere, then it is because it has been copied from here. That being said, if you want to steal posters from here and repost them, go ahead. If you want to print them out and hang them up, go ahead. If you want to have the print shop on the corner do up a full size job which you use to replace the boring, asinine motivational poster in your university's computer lab. . .well, you wouldn't be the first, but I still think it's a terrific idea. Just give me some credit if anyone asks.
Nextly, leave comments. They're fun to read, and they're always a big encouragement for me to keep doing these. Posts that get more comments from spam-bots than people are just depressing. I know it's more work than to 'like' something on facebook or re-tweet something, but that extra effort makes it so much more worthwhile, don't you think? Ah, who am I kidding? You haven't even read this far. . .
Otherly, congratulations to the Green Bay Packers, my team! That was a nail-biter game, but you pulled it out, and I'm so glad to be a fan of such a classy, hardworking team. Go, Pack, Go!
Tangentially, Google tells me that I have ten followers. I think that means I need two more for a complete set. /duck
Incidentally, including this set and counting all five "alcoholism" demotivators I did as separate posters, I've created nearly 200 original demotivational posters, and including guest posts I've published over 200. Maybe I'll do something special for #200 on my next post. Suggestions?
Lastly, I'm forgetting something. It's lurking around in the crevices of my skull, waiting for me to hit "post" before making itself plain to my memory. Oh well. I suppose I can always edit. Thanks for coming by, and I'll see you again soon.

Demotivational Posters Round 42

2011-01-19T13:08:00.003-06:00

Demotivational Posters Round 41

2010-04-06T22:47:00.002-05:00

Demotivational Posters Round 40

2010-03-31T10:40:00.004-05:00

Special thanks this round to Dave and Steve for their help in pictures and wording, respectively.
Feel free, as always, to leave comments.
Happy Easter!

Demotivational Posters Round 39

2010-03-19T23:35:00.002-05:00

It's been entirely too long since I've posted new demotivators. No excuses, just an observation. I feel a little rusty, but it feels good to get some new ones out there. Just a quick note on the Pyromania one: lots of people call themselves pyros, but relatively few people actually are. If you're not sure, try this simple test. If you didn't see what was wrong with the picture in the Pyromania demotivator in the first five seconds or so, you aren't one. If you are a pyro, you saw it and it's going to drive you absolutely nuts for the next month or so.

Have a great day, enjoy the posters, and feel free to leave comments (spammers excluded).

Demotivational Posters Round 38

2009-06-24T14:18:00.003-05:00

I'm basically guaranteed to anger somebody with this post. That in and of itself makes me several kinds of happy. Hello, and welcome back to the blog. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted - no excuse.
A couple quick nods to a pair of guys who have noted me or linked to me on their own blogs in the last couple months:
http://web.me.com/wcywhite/W_/Home.html - winton is a talented musician, check him out
http://crujonessociety.com/ - kind of a 'things we think are cool' aggregate - potentially NSFW
Thanks for the publicity, guys!
And a quick plug for one of my friends: http://www.setapartphotography.com/ Check out his mad photo skills!
As always, leave comments. It's nice knowing someone's out there.

Demotivational Posters Round 37

2009-02-26T00:19:00.002-06:00

Welcome back to Vertical and Wasting Oxygen. Today's set is themed, much like the Nebraska collaboration a while back. This one was actually fairly difficult to put together, given the number of things which could have been said about Alcoholism, the many ways (both clever and banal) they've been said, and the literally thousands of funny alcohol-related pictures out there to use.
For the record, don't get me wrong. I love alcohol. Great stuff. I just hate drunkenness and alcoholism, and all the crap that goes with them. Balance.
There's another 'normal' set in the works, about halfway done. I hope to have them ready soon, but I might just leave these up here for a little while to make sure they don't get buried by subsequent posts before some of you more infrequent visitors have a chance to see them. As always, enjoy the demotivators, show them to your friends, leave comments, and have a good one!

Demotivational Posters Round 36

2009-01-07T00:36:00.005-06:00

Welcome back! I hope you enjoy the latest round of Demotivators. I finally found a way to treat certain subjects which have been on my mind but which would have been entirely too easy to screw up. I think I found a healthy balance on a couple of these. I have this set done and a start on a second set already. Special thanks this round go to my father and my friend Bryan for inspiration and disturbing quotations. Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year (I know, a tad tardy, but this is my closest post to the holidays). Don't forget to leave comments.

Demotivational Posters Round 35

2008-12-03T16:10:00.004-06:00

Welcome back to Vertical and Wasting Oxygen. I've changed the site a little since my last set of Demotivators. I got rid of links to people who never post, I added links to some neat blogs I've been following for a while, I added links to webcomics I've been following for a little while to decide whether or not they make the cut for my list, and I've added links to web publication of traditional pen-and-paper comics.
As you can see, I've got another set of Demotivators up! Also, if you look at the post immediately below this one, you'll find I'm running a little contest. See if you can figure out my devious little puzzle.
If you have any webcomics or traditional comics you think I'm missing, leave a comment with the relevant site, and feel free to leave comments relevant to the demotivators as well.
Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Contest One

2008-12-02T23:12:00.002-06:00

Welcome back. I've made some changes to the site. I got rid of links to friends who never update. I added links to some nifty blogs I've been following for a while. I added some webcomics that were on probation to the list, and I added a whole list of traditional pen-and-paper comics.
There are more demotivators in the works, but for now I'm going to do something different. A contest. Here are the rules. The image here is a Christmas puzzle. The first person to post the solution in the comments section along with a mailing addy wins one thousand internets and gets a prize sent to them. I'm still figuring out what the prize is, but there will be one. Nobody who was at my house this evening is allowed to post the answer, and I would request that those dozen people not give out the answer. Ready? Steady. Go!

Demotivational Posters Round 34

2008-09-12T13:47:00.001-05:00

There are two more new sets posted below this one, so once you read these five, keep scrolling!

Demotivational Posters Round 33

2008-09-12T13:45:00.002-05:00

There's another new set below this one! Keep scrolling!

Demotivational Posters Round 32

2008-09-12T13:38:00.002-05:00

This round started with my coming up with 4 new demotivators, then drying up for a bit. Since the most images blogger will allow me to include in a given post is 5, that has become my otherwise arbitrary definition of a "set". Of course, when I got the fifth one, I got three more along with it, and so I was stuck with eight, two shy of two sets. Then I got one more. And then last night I got 4 more, and ideas for another half dozen. So, after bringing my total completed up to 15, I can give you three full sets, and I've still got a couple to work on. Funny, the way inspiration works sometimes.
I hope you appreciate these, or even enjoy them. As always, feel free (read: encouraged) to leave comments, suggestions, the usual.

Motivational Posters Round 31

2008-08-28T10:52:00.002-05:00

I am becoming convinced that MediaCom and RentIowaTech hold a contradictory view on my natural, God-given right to attempt to fry my own computer. Now many of you know that the internet service I "receive" through these two entities sucks to begin with. However, I've come to notice a disturbing pattern. Every time a storm of any significance comes through town, I am guaranteed to completely lose service, at my provider's end of things, not mine, for a minimum of twelve hours. I envision in my head an ugly hack combining a doppler radar, an enormous knife-switch, and a half-eaten tuna and gorgonzola sammich.
Anywho, new demotivators are up, obviously. If you take the time to read this, please note that immediately below this post is a set of newly-posted collaboration demotivators as well, likely pushed off the bottom of your screen by this posting. Check them out. Unless you live in Nebraska, and like it there, chances are you'll enjoy them. My collaborator and I certainly had fun making them.
As always, leave comments (for both my set and the collaborative effort) to let us know you stopped by. We appreciate the feedback. No, not that kind of feedback. . .(throws giant knife-switch attached to a sound-board, speakers, and a half-eaten peanut-butter-and-pickle sammich ).

Collaboration Demotivators

2008-08-27T22:28:00.003-05:00

Welcome back to V&WO! Today's demotivational posters are a collaboration between myself and a guest demotivator, a good friend of mine, on a subject near and dear to his heart. Enjoy! And for those of you patiently waiting, there is a new set of demotivators nearly complete, and I hope to have them out by the end of the week. Thanks for coming, stay a while, and leave a comment :)

Motivational Posters Round 30

2008-06-08T16:02:00.003-05:00

Gentles and Ladymen, welcome back once again. I've got a new set of demotivators up for your viewing pleasure. Please comment on them - comments make me happy :)
I'm sure some of you will sympathize with me over some of these. I'm equally sure some of you will be irritated or offended by them. So what else is new?
I think in the near future I may have to do a demotivator on flooding - Ames is near enough ready to just float away. If I don't post again for a while, it may be that my computer is simply underwater.
The fine chap who sent me the guest demotivators a while ago has sent me a new one, and is working towards a new set that I should be able to post soon! Hooray!
Until then, enjoy!

Motivational Posters Round 29

2008-05-23T02:12:00.002-05:00

More posters for your viewing delight, some of them (sadly) inspired by recent events in the lives of some of my friends. I'll leave it to your imagination to believe which ones you will.

As always, leave comments. I know some of you have been waiting for a post for a while - comments keep them coming faster and more reliably.

Thanks for the comments and for your readership (faithful, erratic, or accidental as it may be)

Motivational Posters Round 28

2008-02-01T23:50:00.000-06:00

Finally, more demotivators for you to love, revile, be confused by or be ambivalent towards. Hooray! (or "boo!" or "hunh?" or "meh")
Thanks, as always, for coming by the site. Tell your friends - I like site hits! Please leave comments, and let me know what you think.
And, as always, feel free to leave suggestions for future demotivators. I'm always in the market for ideas. Peace!

Guest Demotivators

2008-01-21T10:58:00.001-06:00

A friend of mine recently decided to have some fun with the Motivational Poster Generator I link to, here on the blog. These are his efforts, which he requested I post anonymously. I think he did a great job, and I hope you enjoy them.

More of my demotivators are on the way (4 done, just want to get one more for a full set). Thank you to those who have left messages encouraging me to post again. Also, if you haven't noticed, I've updated the lists of blogs and comics I enjoy, and will be modifying them more here in the coming weeks.

Motivational Posters Round 27

2007-09-28T22:03:00.000-05:00

Comments? Please?

Motivational Posters Round 26

2007-07-20T23:46:00.000-05:00

More demotivators! Hip Hip Hooray! Sarcasm and irony are back in full swing here at the V&WO ranch. Judging from the abysmal lack of commentary on my last three posts, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that these are what you people come here for? Please prove it - leave comments for me. Yes, Mother, you too. It's your maternal duty, like parent-teacher conferences and archiving naked-baby-pictures for Metalupis' and my wives.

On a somewhat lighter note, I am proud to announce that I have independent confirmation from three unrelated sources who tell me that my blog has been officially blocked by the Chinese government. Must have been the cracks I made in my first couple sets of demotivators about communism and buddhism. All I can say is that if I piss off one person, I've probably screwed up, but if I piss off an entire government and system of belief, I may be doing something very, very right. So, who out there is going to compile and publish these bad boys into a book for me to smuggle into China?

As always, leave comments, critiques, suggestions, righteous indignation, profane indignation, indigenous indignation, ingenuous indignation, or a wombat. . .er. . . .

Something Different (3)

2007-05-21T23:43:00.000-05:00

More demotivational posters are in the works. . .hopefully I'll get them posted within the week. Ere then I have some other things which need to be posted. A poem which I found which I think a few of you will appreciate, a drinking song which I wrote which I know many of you will get a kick out of, and one or two other things. Enjoy, and (as always) comment.

So my friends and I were talking about comic-books-made-into-movies and decided that a Justice League offering should be in the wings somewhere. Thus we started talking about a possible plot, characters, and who we would cast in various roles, trying to be as true to the look, feel, and attitude of the DC characters as we possibly could (despite the fact that hollywood seems to care less about accuracy and more about star power). After much debate and revision (and without total consensus) we came to a basic roster of the seven main founders and a few supporting or secondary members. My friends insist that I publish this online, if for nothing else than to prove that we had the idea first :) If you have ideas for other actors for other J.L. members or villains, or even other suggestions for who we have already mentioned, post 'em here. Not that anyone would ever be able to afford bringing all these people together for one flick, but maybe if they wanted to collaborate just for the fun of it. . .

Superman – Brandon Routh. He did a great job in Superman Returns, he's got the look and mannerisms down, and I'm all for consistency wherever we can get it.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0746125/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superman

Batman – Christian Bale. Absolutely one of the best Batmans ever. Again, he has the look, mannerisms, and consistency. I couldn't pick anyone else for the Dark Knight.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000288/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batman

Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) – Viggo Mortenson. A little bit older, a little grizzled, quiet, and thoroughly hardcore. The kind of guy who doesn't talk often, but when he does, people listen. And yeah, some people will point out that John Stewart, Guy Gardner, or even Kyle Rayner were more involved with the J.L. than Jordan, but Jordan is still the consummate Lantern in my book.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0001557/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hal_Jordan

Martian Manhunter – The Rock. Some of you will immediately groan at bringing The Rock into this, but just stop and consider for a moment. All he's really got to do is stand there with his arms folded and look muscular and intimidating (which The Rock does quite well), mutter a few lines of subdued but profound dialogue (which he does well), and toss the bad guys around like rag dolls (which, well, you get the idea). A little green paint and we're good to go. http://imdb.com/name/nm0425005/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martian_Manhunter

Flash – Paul Walker. The one thread linking all of Paul Walker's movies is that he loves playing a smart-alec who can't help but shoot his mouth off, even if it's the dumbest possible thing one could do in a situation.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0908094/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Flash

Hawkgirl – Mariska Hargitay. This one was harder to place, since traditionally Hawkgirl was never the tall, rail-thin shape of so many actresses. We needed someone shorter and more buff, and I think Hargitay fills the role nicely, and her role on Law & Order: SVU proves she can be pretty badass when necessary.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0002127/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawkgirl

Wonder Woman – Eva Green. The new Bond Girl, in my humble opinion, has the face, hair, and body to make a fine Amazonian princess, and I'd love to see her in a role where she gets to kick as much butt as Daniel Craig.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1200692/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonder_Woman

Green Arrow – Jamie Hyneman. If you ever watch the Mythbusters episode where they are trying to figure out if it's possible to split an arrow with another arrow, Robin Hood style, watch when Jamie fires a couple arrows and imagine him with a green hat. He's got the muscles, the dry sense of humor, and, most importantly, the moustache.

http://imdb.com/name/nm1367178/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Arrow

Hawkman – Vin Diesel. Big. Muscled. Brutal. Not going to get an invite to the MENSA ball. But Hawkman's perfectly comfortable with a large and messy weapon in each hand, which Vin Diesel has played in Riddick and other movies. Kind of like The Rock, in that he's not going to get many lines, but the fight sequences wouldn't be the same without him.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0004874/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawkman

Aquaman – Daniel Craig. Buff and blond are the two big visual requirements for Aquaman. Matthew McConaughey was considered for the role, but he's just too smiley. Craig better represents Aquaman's somber and sober outlook on life.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0185819/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquaman

Black Canary – Uma Thurman. Uma would essentially be reprising her role from Kill Bill, just fighting hand-to-hand instead of with a sword. And the physical resemblance is perfect.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0000235/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Canary

Zatana – Kate Beckinsale. Tall, dark, magical, and not afraid to walk around in a corset and top-hat. Enough said.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0000295/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zatanna

Blue Beetle – Jason Statham – Statham has proven his on-screen hand-to-hand ability in the Transporter movies, and the Beetle is essentially the DC version of Spider-Man, so this works out wonderfully.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0005458/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_Beetle

Oracle – Nikki Cox. A cute redhead to sit in a wheelchair and find more fine-detail information on any subject than actually exists either online or off.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0185178/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oracle_%28comics%29#Oracle

Elongated Man – Matthew McConaughey. Elastic Man is, by nature, nearly indestructible, which gives him a carefree outlook on life. McConaughey is charming and smiley and flirtatious enough to perfectly portray this happy-go-lucky hero.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0000190/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elongated_Man

Green Lantern (John Stewart) – Keenan Ivory Wayans. I have reservations about tagging a Wayans brother to play a character as introspective and thoughtful as Stewart, but I think Keenan has what it takes, and his look is perfect for the role. Just gotta keep him low-key and pensive.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0005540/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Stewart_%28comics%29

Green Lantern (Guy Gardner) – Colin Farrell. A self-proclaimed bad boy thug to play a self-proclaimed bad boy thug, Gardner always relied on his fists to do his talking for him, and Farrell can carry his Devil-may-care attitude like second skin.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0268199/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Lantern_%28Guy_Gardner%29

Captain Marvel – Dean Cain. I know I'm going to be immediately vilified by every female Lois and Clark fanatic for downgrading Cain from Superman to DC's second-string superman clone, but I like Routh's S-man better, and Cain fits Marvel's image better, anyway. And he's got experience in tights and a cape.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0001002/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Marvel_%28DC_Comics%29

After each profile I've included a link to the actor's profile on the Internet Movie DataBase and a link to a Wikipedia article of the character so you can hopefully see what made us choose who we did. Like I said above, feel free to chime in with alternate suggestions, other characters and actors for them, and villains.

Something Different (2)

2007-05-21T23:40:00.000-05:00

Drinking Song:

Olde Sacred Heart

Well, for forty years and forty more my mum (God bless her heart)

has faithfully parishoned at Our Savior's Sacred Heart,

through bishops, priests and rectors, through confessions, lent, and mass,

more permanent a fixture than the chapel's lead-stained glass.

But me, I've got more wanderlust than Heaven should permit,

and every chance to travel has me chomping at the bit.

And, though my mum may still be found interred at Sacred Heart,

it wasn't very long before this pilgrim did depart.

I was christened at Saint Peter's and was baptized at Saint Paul's,

confirmed in good Saint Christopher's revered and hallowed halls.

I married in Saint Mary's and, upon the day I die,

beneath the stones of Benedict's is where my corpse will lie.

I've taken of the Eucharist in seventeen Assumptions

and genuflected in two score Immaculate Conceptions.

I've crossed myself in Holy Cross in seven diocese,

said pater noster at twelve sets of Queen of Heaven's knees.

Saint Paddy's in Chicago and Saint Paddy's in New York,

Saint James' in bonnie London-town, Saint Augustine's in Cork,

Saint Wenceslaus, Saint Boniface, Saint Bridgette's and Saint Joe's,

Saint Francis of Assisi and the Abbey of Ambrose.

Of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, and John, a score of ten apiece,

full thirty Notre Dames (of those but two Our Lady Peace).

Confessed at nine Annunciates and blessed at six Saint Anne's,

in five Saint Michaels fondled every relic that you can.

Immanuels are plentiful, in eight I've said Hail Marys.

In three Saint Cyril's I've received indulgence quite plenary.

I've thirty rosaries, one from each Saint Teresa seen,

and in Saint Tom Aquinas on six continents I've been.

Basilicas, cathedrals, monasteries, chapels, shrines,

and every country parish that would serve me bread and wine.

I've gone as far and wide as any faithful pilgrim can,

for all my years you know I've been a Roamin' Catholic man!

- Ravus Caelum

note: for anyone who's interested, the intended tune is "Seven Deadly Sins" by Flogging Molly

Something Different

2007-05-21T23:33:00.001-05:00

The Edge of Mercy

If vengeance be Thy sovereign right alone,

most sovereign God, on highest spheres enthroned,

cast forth Thine hand, spend earnèd wrath in whole;

no longer test and try my vexèd soul.

Thine enemies, and mine, swagger arrayed

in blasphemies of Thy great Name betrayed,

against my soul adorned in mockery,

and swathed in self-assigned sublimity.

And, yet, by Thine inviolate command

of mercy, stayest Thou my dreadnaught hand.

They ravish grace, they howl and plead for Hell,

but bidest Thou, and bid me bide as well.

Though judgment is, upon Thy lips, an oath

they guzzle nectars bled from sundered troth.

Thy words of justice taste to me as ash

as saints, by reprobates, are strewn and dashed.

If mercy be Thy plea, consider these:

saints, martyred, 'neath Thine altar, unappeased,

who cry “How long ere Thou avenge, O Lord?”,

their solace in the promise of Thy sword.

As they, so do I yearn to see Thine arm

uphold Thy crownèd Name from sland'rous harm,

guard jealously Thy Maiden's virgin bloom,

wreak havoc on twice-treas'nous souls, their doom.

For Thou will judge: Thou promised ere Thou must.

I cling to this though arms and armor rust:

Thou, Christ, the Lamb by whom my sin was borne

must never suffer twice such grievous scorn.

Despising scorn, contemning every shame,

Thou will display the terror of Thy Name,

Thine heav'nly host distending spheres of sky,

triumphant battle-banner hoisted high!

But, now until that day, I must endure

damnable filth slung 'pon Thee, wholly pure.

So, impotent, my broken, shadowed heart

grasps, mad, as glory's echoes dim, depart.

Thy Kingdom come, and leave no place to flee.

Thy will be done, spare none which disagree.

This bond-slave first: search every hidden thing.

This bond-slave holds no fear of judgment's sting.

Motivational Posters Round 25

2007-04-17T17:32:00.000-05:00

New Demotivators! Yay! Or groan, depending on your point of view, I suppose. Two quick notes: First, my apologies to St. Patrick. Second, for those of you who might feel uncomfortable about the picture used for my porn demotivator, I assure you that it is an image of four fully clothed individuals skillfully pixilated for me by the ever-reliable Mr. Schulteis. No pornography was viewed in the making of this demotivational picture.

As always, ever, and anon, please leave comments. Feel free to share me with your friends (yes, that was a shameless plug. I'm looking forward to breaking 20 comments on a post someday).

More to come. . .sometime. . . .take it easy, and enjoy the weather!

Motivational Posters Round 24

2007-03-21T18:28:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I apologize for the excessive time between posts. I've been busy and sometimes creativity doesn't turn on when you want it to. It took a lot of trial and error to get the wordings as they are now. That being said, I reserve the right to tweak the wording on any of these in the future. *chuckle*
As always, please leave a comment, an opinion, a greeting, something. I get depressed when I only get two comments on an entire post :)
Happy St. Paddy's Day to you all, and I'll try and get more up sooner next time.
(Oh, and for those of you keeping count, this post should break 100 De-motivational posters - that's gotta be some sort of achievement :) )

Motivational Poster Round 23

2007-01-29T17:29:00.000-06:00

As always, gimme feedback on what you see here. Leave comments! Give ideas! Props, jeers, confusion? Leave 'em. Have a great day, and enjoy!

Motivational Posters Round 22

2007-01-17T23:12:00.000-06:00

As always, please comment on these. Shown them to your friends. Send the link to everybody in your IM list :) Generate some traffic for me. Or at the very least, comment.

Motivational Posters Round 21

2007-01-06T22:34:00.000-06:00

Hey, everyone! Back with more, as promised. Be kind to me and post your comments, positive or negative, great or small, first time or twentieth. Looking forward to hearing from you! As always, if you have ideas, words or concepts you'd like to see treated in this fashion, feel free to share them with me. Special thanks in this round to Steven Schulteis for a bit 'o last-minute inspiration! Enjoy!

Motivational Posters Round 20

2006-12-07T17:33:00.000-06:00

Motivational Posters Round 19

2006-11-23T19:34:00.000-06:00

As always, please comment on what you see here. . .first time or millionth. . .good or bad. I want to hear it. Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

Motivational Posters Round 18

2006-11-02T16:13:00.000-06:00

As always please leave a comment if you stop by to see these. I would like to build some measurable traffic on the site. So if you love these, hate these, have ideas, have pictures, or just are stopping in to say "hi", leave a note, a comment, an opinion, a piece of hate mail, a salutation, or an emoticon. Oh, and have a nice day!

Motivational Posters Round 17

2006-11-02T16:11:00.000-06:00

Motivational Posters Round 16

2006-11-02T16:09:00.000-06:00

Motivational Posters Round 15

2006-11-02T16:05:00.000-06:00

Motivational Posters Round 14

2006-10-18T19:05:00.000-05:00

Remember to post comments if you enjoy these, and feel free to look back through the archives to find ones you may have missed.

Motivational Posters Round 13

2006-10-18T19:02:00.000-05:00

Remember to post comments if you want these to keep coming!!!

Motivational Posters Round 12

2006-10-12T17:40:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 11

2006-10-12T17:36:00.000-05:00

If you enjoy these, or any prior ones, please leave your comments. Comments are a good thing. Comments make the posts happy. You want the posts to be happy posts, don't you?

Motivational Posters Round 10

2006-08-30T19:59:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 9

2006-08-30T11:39:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters round 8

2006-08-25T23:33:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 7

2006-08-17T13:51:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 6

2006-08-17T13:22:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 5

2006-08-15T18:25:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 4

2006-08-15T18:06:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 3

2006-08-15T18:02:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 2

2006-08-03T12:29:00.000-05:00

Motivational Posters Round 1

2006-08-03T11:18:00.000-05:00

grr.

2006-08-03T11:03:00.000-05:00

That is, here they would be, if blogger would actually accept the photos. I'll keep trying to get them up. In the meantime, play around with the generator yourself, and feel free to email me funny pics worthy of being used.

downshift

2006-08-03T10:55:00.000-05:00

And after all of that, I believe I am going to start off on a somewhat lighter note.
Or so it would appear. Do you know what motivational posters are? The black-bordered images of soaring eagles and sunset-lit mountains, with some inspirational word in large capital letters beneath the photo and, beneath that, an enlightened fortune-cookie-esque piece of confucian (pronounced "confusion") wisdom. Quite the fad there for a few years in offices across the nation. Now, have you been to www.despair.com to see their amusing line of "demotivational posters" which you can order and place on various products. Quite amusing and all too often accurate. Ah, but it gets better, my friends! For I stumbled upon a site which lets you generate your own motivational posters! That's right, upload a photo, write your "word of power", and throw down a caption, and one "digitizing your wisdom, o great one" later, you have your very own piece of wisdom, humor, sarcasm, or just plain vitriol which you can download as an image or even order online as a print (for something like $12). I'm liking this as a possibility for Christmas presents. At any rate, here are the ones I've made so far, mainly with images gleaned from various websites. Enjoy! Or not. If you're offended, I've done my job. Just stop and honestly ask yourself why you're so offended. You might learn something.

Introduction

2006-08-02T21:53:00.000-05:00

To whom it may concern;

As this is my first attempt at a "blog", I wish to begin by clearing up any possible future misunderstandings. What I write here, what I post here, whom I link to and whom I endorse may at various times amuse you, exhort you, instruct you, titillate you, comfort you, or please you. I assure you, such effects will be strictly accidental on my part.

However, I sincerely hope I offend you.

Undoubtedly there will be those who make it as far as that last line and leave. Or continue reading on, having already made up their minds to distrust or even despise a man so antisocial, so unkind, so rude as to seek offence against others. Good riddance to them (first group) or you (second group). To the rest of you, welcome and good luck. I am antisocial. I am unkind. I am often rude, and I am not a people person. However, inasmuch as I hate people, this is not why I desire to offend you.

This is my final winnowing of you, my dear readers, before the excrement truly impacts the impeller. I am a Christian. I am a son of the Living God. I am a disciple of Jesus the Christ, who is the Word of God incarnate. I desire to offend you because God desires to offend you. To the reprobate, God has described Jesus as a "stumbling stone and a rock of offense". To the saint, the Holy Spirit is bringing constant reminder that sanctification is an ongoing process. There are no other categories. Offence is universal.

Lest you misunderstand, I really do hate people. However, my God is perfect compassion even as He is perfect wrath, and as I, among all people worthy of being hated, have been shown mercy and grace undue, I ought do no less. In aspiring to offend, I desire not to insult but, rather, to challenge. I desire to lay aside the trappings of pride and comfort in favor of unmitigated truth. So this becomes my prayer: That my words of offence, that your honest and discerning mind, and that the working of the Holy Spirit would here amalgamate for the purpose of bringing glory to God most high. Kyrie Eleison!

Ravus Caelum